Joy To The World

Hello everyone! Yes, blogging is fun and important, but so are tea parties and croquet matches, both of which have kept me busy these past few weeks. Glad to be writing again though:)

Being a natural cynic(yeah, I know, hard to believe:P), or as I like to call it, realist, has led to a difficulty or two when it comes to expanding my spiritual understanding. For those who haven't yet read Rav Miller's books, I sincerely recommend you do, especially Rejoice Oh Youth. I've learned so much about appreciation from it. To hear Rav Miller wax poetical about an ant...!

I've recently heard something which I wanted to share. According to Rav Miller, the best preparation for the world to come is enjoying and appreciating what we're given in this world; hence, blessings, etc. What he said is probably not anything new to most of you, and It's not entirely novel to me either, but the way he put it was so appealing to me, and it opened up a whole other way of looking at it. I specifically liked when he said, "If you don't want to eat breakfast, that's fine. It's okay to fast if you want, but if you eat breakfast, then you should enjoy it!" I love the idea that getting joy out of every little aspect of this world will only give me more joy in the next. It makes each day something to look forward to. Each day becomes a challenge to find enjoyment in as many things as I can in order to serve God rather than an experience of denial and restriction.

I don't mean to go on and on, and I apologize if most of this is recycled material, but I just felt so happy at my little personal discovery and I wanted to share it. Thanks for listening:)

Connections

Erachet just posted a wonderful post on prayer. I started to comment on her blog, but when I saw how much I had to say, I thought it was worth a post of my own.

In her post, Erachet mentioned her confusion and feelings of inferiority when faced with other religious Jews whose prayers seemed so much more heartfelt than hers. I too, struggled with feelings of self-consciousness regarding my inability to establish a "typical" connection to G-d through standardized prayer. I too had the nagging feeling that somehow I was less close to G-d than all the shucklers and swayers around me, but, at some point, I began to think differently. I began to appreciate the connection I did have with G-d due to the various sensitivities and capabilities He instilled in me.

Most people are not sensitized enough to G-D's creations to connect to him through them. Most people don't see a tree or a cloud or a flower and form a prayer out of the intense joy and wonder they feel as a result. Most people don't think to send up a homemade plea to G-d when they have to get to class in five minutes and there are no parking spaces within a mile of school or when they're having a bad day and really need the cafe to have at least one more big chocolate cookie left by the time they get there. Most people don't think to speak to G-d at all if it's not during established times of prayer. Many people do, but most don't.

I feel so lucky that I am one of those people who do have that connection to G-d. I feel it makes life so much more meaningful in various small ways. In no way do I mean to imply that standardized prayer is not important. There is a very good reason why the sages set up the prayers the way they did, and why they contain the words and format that they do, and I firmly believe in constantly working on having greater concentration during those prayers, but it's hard. It's hard for everyone on some level. A true connection to G-d can manifest itself in more than one way, and I don't think those alternate paths should be minimized or discounted in any way. I was brought up to believe that G-D is everywhere and always available to us via a direct line of communication in any form, in any language. Different things work for different people, and G-d knows that. He is the one who created us to be that way.

On a related note, a teacher once told me: If you broadcast your spirituality, you are no longer spiritual. I happen to think it's a brilliant concept and a good one to live by. Very often, those who seem to be ultra connected, or ultra religious on the outside are not nearly as far up on the spiritual ladder as others who don't make an overt display of their religiosity. What's going on inside of me is so much more important than how religious or "zealous" I appear to those around me.

One more thing I find very helpful to keep in mind is something most of us already know, but it always helps to be reminded. We all start at a very different point in terms of spirituality, and we all have a special package of tests and challenges handpicked for us. What might be easy for the man or woman next to me, is excruciatingly difficult for me, and G-D might not expect me to be at that particular point just yet. It doesn't mean I'm less of a person, or less of a Jew. It just means that I'm unique and my spirituality and all it entails has nothing to do with what those around me are doing or feeling.

Buttercup in the Sky

Yellow traffic lights drive me crazy(pun fully intended). As soon as I see that yellow circle light up in front of me, I know that a crucial decision must now be made. Do I slow down, and risk a mild concussion due to my slightly above average driving speeds or do I speed up, risking a red light run-through resulting in a ticket for at least 50 bucks? Very often, due to my notorious inability to make choices I end up vacillating between the two. This generally results in both a bang on the head and a ticket in the mail:/ This is why yellow traffic lights and I don't get along.

The other day, however, a thought popped into my head while driving which somewhat redeemed the little butterscotch circle. I realized that I could actually learn a lesson from the lights. Big surprise there;)The lesson to be learned? Well, I actually couldn't decide between two different ones so I'm going to lay them out before you and then ask you to vote on which you think is the more apt.

Lesson 1: Indecisiveness is not a healthy or attractive character trait. Despite what they say about the female gender, taking 20 minutes to decide on an ice-cream flavor is not okay (mental note to self: must stop doing that even if it means always having vanilla). Whether one is a stopper or a speeder-upper is not the issue. Deciding which one you are and sticking to it, is.

Lesson 2: Life is short, and hesitating is not an option. Careful consideration before action is definitely important, but once the action has been decided on, go for it:)

Perhaps you won't agree that either of the above is apropos to yellow traffic lights. I'd be happy to hear that too:)

Writer's Block

I'm going through a dry spell. It seems once most of my readers know who I am, it becomes much harder to spill my guts in a public forum. How odd.

It's the Little Things

Today, I saw a flock of birds paint a picture in the sky with their flight pattern. They swooped and swerved and glided gracefully like a group of ballerinas pulled together by a magnetic force. It was beautiful.

Wacky Wednesday

I believe everything happens for a reason, and I'd like to think that the reason my tire blew out on the ramp leading onto the Van Wyck expressway yesterday was so that I would finally have something to post about.

Of course, It could have something to do with all the life lessons I managed to pull from the incident, but hey, priorities right?

A brief summary of the incident: There I was merrily driving along(for I do drive merrily) on the way to teach Hebrew School, minding my own business when, upon nearing my goal, a huge jolt and a hiss of air warned me that I wasn't going anywhere anytime soon. Thank G-d, I was at a point where I had just enough tire to pull over onto the conveniently placed shoulder just before the highway. Any farther back or any further on and the whole episode would have played out very differently. I picture an orchestra of curses and horn blowing as accompaniment.

Now that I was comfortably situated out of harm's way, I took stock of my present predicament. Thank-God for the Starbucks coffee I had picked up just moments before on a whim. With the hot beverage to keep me company, nothing seemed all that dire. Not even the thought of all that preparation I had done going down the drain, or the inconvenience it would put my principal and fellow teachers through, or even the hours I anticipated spending in my car till help arrived. The thought of my situation did not faze me, because I am an adult who is perfectly capable of dealing with such predicaments. I proceeded to do what any self-respecting, mature, and independent adult would do. I called my mom. And lo and behold, the woman who sends me to the store numerous times in one evening because she "forgot something" located and gave over to me the rarely used number of AAA. Not relishing the idea of waiting for such a long time (my coffee supply had run out), I called my dad. After all, why think for yourself when you have so many other people to do it for you? He spent several minutes on the phone with Geico, and after some confusion as to exactly where I was located, I was informed that someone would be there shortly to help me out. No fuss, no trouble, and after a rebate, no cost.

And now for the icing on the-very long-cake. Before the Gecko got very far out on the road, I was surprised by a white and green Help truck. For those of you who don't know what that is, it's a division of the police department which travels the highways, stopping when they see someone in trouble. The trucks are equipped for all sorts of car emergencies, including busted tires.

Out comes the sweetest guy you will ever meet who reminded me very much of an African American Santa Claus with a short beard. He was as friendly as pie(have you ever spoken to pie? Then don't assume), and in a matter of minutes I was on my way with a temporary tire in place of the busted one.

You would be surprised at how many shocked reactions I got when I told people that there are police trucks riding the highways whose sole function it is to help those with car trouble.One thing I do know. If nothing else, this story allows me to say the following:

I was helped out by a police officer the other day, and when he left, I saw he had left a donut on my car:)

If only for that, it was totally worth it!

Around and Around We Go

An amazing post by Corner Point on the subject of boxes prompted me to think about other shapes that figure prominently in my life. Thus did I come to think of circles and thus was this post born. It is not as universal or inspiring as the aforementioned one on squares. It is, in fact, quite selfish and personal. From reading other blogs, though, I have a suspicion I’m not the only one suffering from Circle-itis.

When I think of a circle, I think of repetition. I imagine an endless loop going around and around, much like the thoughts spinning through my head. As an over analyzer, I can’t let things go, and since most things I think about can’t be immediately resolved, the same thoughts keep running circles around my brain until I want to scream at them to stop and take a breather. This leads to a somewhat stressful existence composed of many sleepless nights. I’ve tried many things to stop the frenzy, but nothing has worked to date. Pretending the thoughts don’t exist lasts about 3 seconds before they pop up again. Making my mind a blank is as hard as it sounds. Writing it out usually relieves the pressure, but only temporarily, and only with certain issues. I thank G-d every day for giving me an active, busy brain and I will take the cons along with the pros any day vs. the alternative vegetative state. I just wish it didn’t come along with so much mental anguish. Perhaps I am unique in this problem, but somehow I doubt it. If anyone out there knows what I’m talking about, please tell me how you deal.

Like circles too, We tend to repeat ourselves. Even as we make the same mistakes over and over again, we recognize that we are acting to our own detriment. The outcome is known down to the last, gory detail, yet something compels us to keep at it. I guess, we all get into a cycle of behavior and the more times we go around, the deeper the groove gets, and the harder it is to break free, making the cycle of behavior part of it's own vicious cycle.

Yup. Circles definitely factor prominently in my life.

Wordplay

Pobody just sent me a really cute/funny/clever link, and I wanted to share with you all. Let me know what you think:)

One of Those Days

Today was one of those days. The kind of day I hesitate to write about because remembering the details is too painful a process. I'd rather repress and forget. The horrible thing is, nothing really bad even happened. No car crash was experienced; no really difficult test or bad grade given; no headaches, stomacheaches, or bad colds endured; no nasty comments recieved. So why did I fight off an intense desire to cry by the end of it? I guess some days the little things are just harder to deal with and on those days, they tend to pile up one after the other until they lump together into one big problem. It's almost over though. I hope tomorrow's better.

Alliteration Amusement

Chana has a really cute game going on which has inspired me to propose one of my own. The challenge is to pick a letter of the alphabet and see who can come up with the longest paragraph composed solely of words beginning with that letter. The paragraph does not have to mean anything, but it does have to make sense. Since this is the first time, I'll start with a relatively easy letter. Feel free to use a thesaurus. I know I did.

Pretty Persephony pushed plump purple pumpkins past portly Pete's Pastry Palace pleased past portionable probability. "Perchance, Pete pirates purple pumpkins," posited Persephony. "Poppycock!" projected Pete pleasantly, "pirating pays peanuts." "Pretty please," pressed Persephony, "Perhaps pirating purple pumpkins pluralizes pennies." "Pluralizes pennies?" parroted portly Pete, "phenomenal!"

I could go on, but shabbos is coming and I don't want to get lost in blogland :) Anyway, you get the idea. Let the games begin!

Peripheral Vision

I'm not a very good driver. Good drivers stick to the speed limit, remember to blink before turning or switching lanes, and don't regularly run red lights. Good drivers also keep their eyes on the road ahead. But, the view in front of me while driving is usually pretty boring. To the right and left, though, are all sorts of colorful and interesting things, and though they only spend a moment in my field of vision, their impact lasts for a while afterward.

On my right, a scene straight out of a yearbook or inspirational video. the greying, stooped grandfather holds on tightly to the hand of the small boy walking beside him. A picture of peace. A picture of love. A picture of continuity. I contemplate the cycle of life from the time we are born to the time we return to our maker. I imagine my own father one day walking hand in hand with my future children. By now, I have left my own quiet neighborhood and turn on to a busy highway full of sights and sounds that keep my head swishing from side to side, much like windshield wipers.

On my right, an oversized picture of a sleek and gleaming convertible, promising contentment and prestige to those who purchase it. On my left, Donald Trump's face scowls down at me as he invites me to yet another convention where he will tell me how to make it big and turn all my dreams into reality. I ponder the materialism of this world; how, in the minds of so many, more money equals more happiness. I think of how untrue this is as the images of all the wealthy people I know pop up in front of me and I remember this one's sick child, the other's marriage problems. I think of the sheker pervading this world and the empty, meaningless goals so many spend their lives chasing. I feel a wave of gratitude for the truth and meaning I have in my life, and for the health and well-being of myself and those I care for.

When I emerge from these musings, it is only to be confronted by the stunning beauty of Hashem's creations surrounding me on all sides. The clear, azure blue of the sky on a cloudless day, the brilliant greens, yellows, and oranges of the many trees along the road. The list goes on and on. I'm almost afraid to drive upstate in the summer, because the view at the end of the Tapanzee Bridge is majestic enough to make me cry, and it is not unusual to see me swerving desperately to avoid crashing into the car next to me, because It was that hard to pull my eyes away from a perfect cloud formation nestled in the most exquisite blue above the sparkling, constantly shifting water side by side the lush and verdant foliage resting right beneath the horizon. How can white dashes on black asphalt compare?

Revisit the Magic

For those of you who have somehow made it through to adulthood without having read Alice in Wonderland at least once, pay close attention to the following public announcement:

READ IT

No. The movie does not count. Sorry.

For those of you who have already read it, read it again. It's one of those magical children's books which only become richer and more flavorful with age(think Dr. Seuss). The fanciful, nonsensical style and colorful characters may appeal to the younger set, but the true brilliance of the book is only apparent to the more mature and emotionally developed who can see beyond the surface to the beauty and wit beneath. I laughed regularly through my third reading, sometimes out loud. I was awed. I was pulled in. I felt that warm, fuzzy feeling akin to happiness that only certain books can produce. I'm in love. And I want to share that love, so please, revisit the magic.

New Look

I've been rearranging the furniture. Hope you like:)